Dunkin Donuts to Release 'Drunkin' and 'Dronuts' to Health-Conscious Millennials

At a trade conference yesterday, coffee and pastry giant Dunkin Donuts announced that it would release two new "outrageous" types of donuts to ensnare more health- and carb-conscious Millennial consumers.

The first, to be released this year, is the result of a newfound partnership with Lipsmark LLC, the creator of the controversial powderized alcohol product known as Palcohol, to produce what will be advertised as, you guessed it, Drunkin Donuts.

Drunkin Donuts will be the first alcoholic donuts sold by a major player on the market. "As kids age into mature drinking adults, they're going to want new and better ways to blow off some steam, let loose, and really just chill," says Dunkin vice-CEO Janine Sanborne. "Drunkin Donuts hits all the bases: taste, sweetness, and a buzz to tweet to your fam about."

Speaking of firsts, Dunkin Donuts has also purchased the trademark and is currently working on the formulation for the first mass-market marijuana-infused donuts, Dunkin Dronuts.

The term "dro" originates from the word "hydroponic" and refers to high-quality strains of the cannabis plant.

Similarly to RJ Reynolds purchasing the trademark for the phrase "Camel Green" in 2001, far in advance of federal legalization of marijuana, Dunkin Donuts is hoping to be at the forefront of marijuana-related baked goods when such legalization "inevitably" occurs, Sanborne says.

"The old ways are dead, grandpa. Get with the program," she added.

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