Trump Threatened to Punch Comey "In the Cock," Says Comey Aide

An aide of former FBI director James Comey, who was ousted by President Donald J. Trump in light of recent investigations into the president's ties to Russia, spoke at a press briefing earlier today to describe a specific threat Trump repeatedly made against him for a period of up to three weeks.

The aide, who asked to remain anonymous and wore a paper bag over his head at the briefing, claimed to be giving a direct quote to the press when he stated that Trump would "punch [Comey] in the cock" if he disclosed certain details about the now-halted investigation.

"I heard him say it to his face on multiple occasions, sometimes viscerally, sometimes under his breath. He just said, 'James, I' m going to punch you in the cock if you, blah blah blah.' "

The aide continued, "sometimes the president would add the word 'directly,' as in, 'James, I'm going to punch you directly in the cock.' Sometimes not. But it was a very specific threat that the president seemed to always have at the ready, just for James Comey. No one else."

According to the aide, Comey responded to the threats by wearing an athletic cup to the office during what turned out to be his last week as FBI director. Comey, who is 6'8" in height, commented, "Even though Donald is 70 and a little shorter than me, I believed he would at least make a try for it."

President Trump later interpreted Comey's comment about his comparative shortness as a reference to the size of the genitalia, and tweeted, "If James thinks he's bigger than me, he's not bigger than me. He better hope there aren't 'tapes' to prove it either! Shithead! SAD!"

comments powered by Disqus